If you read my last post on the Grisedale Horseshoe, or some recent Tweets, I think you'll be left in little doubt how I feel about bananas, and their owners. So, you'll certainly be in no doubt as to my reaction to this act of mindless vandalism. What kind of an illiterate simpleton goes around desecrating wiper blades with a banana skin? What kind of a poisonous, puerile mind, festering in a sea of asinine stupidity would even contemplate it?

Whoever did this should be killed! I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. But, let me be clear: My name is Jonathan James Craddock, Commander of the anti-banana armies of the north, General of the legions of the intelligent minority, and loyal servant of common sense. I'm the owner of a 14 year old Honda, witness to a discarded fruit product, and I will have my vengeance - in this life, or the next!